Should v. Beneficial

Flip the Script: A Series

A couple of years ago I was made aware of a podcast called, “Shut the Should Up”. Full disclaimer I have only listened to maybe one of the episodes, but more than anything I really appreciate the title. 

Growing up in a space of white, Christian, Midwestern nice, there are a lot of “shoulds” that get thrown around. You should go to church. You should go see your family. You should buy them a gift. The list goes on. My question is, Who determined the “shoulds”  in the first place? 

Sometimes “shoulds” come from our culture or tradition. Some come from personally held beliefs or preferences. While none of these things are inherently wrong, anytime we put a “should” on ourselves or someone else we are focused on what is “right”. Why do I put quotes around “right”? Well because what may be right in one person’s eyes is not in another’s. Don’t get me wrong, I am not an all or nothing thinker. I’m sure there are things that we can all agree on that are not ok. However, there are a whole myriad of things that fall in the aforementioned categories that are only subjectively “right”.

There are a lot of different directions I can go with this. But what I think I want to hearken back to is something I’ve written before, which is the importance of thinking about what is right versus what is loving. Once again, I believe “right” has a place.  As humans we have a desire to have absolutes and also to feel good about ourselves. It is our job as adults, however, to be honest about what things in our lives we have been labeling right as a way to feel superior or have a clear answer. 

Let me put it another way - would you say that you know what is best for everyone else regardless of circumstance, beliefs, environment, etc.? If not, I would like to offer that by using the word ‘beneficial’ instead of ‘should’ we can shift our perspective (and outcomes) of our own lives and others. 

By thinking about whether something is beneficial we open up possibilities for everyone to experience their best in life, including ourselves. Because life comes with principles, not rules, we can practice wisdom in determining whether our choices are beneficial or simply a rote practice handed down to us or assumed by being reflective instead of automatic.

If we truly want what is best for everyone, that means that everyone ultimately has the agency to follow the path that they feel is best for their situation and circumstances. Where “shoulds” weigh us down, things that are beneficial create freedom. We can release judgment of others and unnecessary burdens on ourselves.

So how do you know what is most beneficial for us? Here are some questions to consider: 

1. Is it loving or am I trying to be right?

2. Is this something I believe personally or something that is a principle to be passed on for the benefit of me, my family, or humanity?

3. Will this have a positive ripple effect or is it only serving my best interest?

4. Is this perspective weighing me (or others) down or creating freedom? 

   
   

If you want help continuing the journey of “Flipping the Script” with me personally, you can schedule your Free Consult today!