Failing v. Learning

Flip the Script: A Series

Goal setting is a hot topic in the self-help world. As a life coach I understand the impetus to set goals. Goals are motivating when you feel temporarily discouraged. They give you something to stay focused on when distractions inevitably happen. Goals give us hope for something better. 

On the flip side, goals can feel overwhelming depending on their size and scope. Goals in one area can take us out of balance in another. If we are not able to achieve the goal then we determine it to be a failure and often end up being unnecessarily hard on ourselves. They can also cause us to lose sight of the process. 

A goal is great but the process to that goal is the most important. 

Imagine two people with the same goal. One uses whatever tactics they deem necessary, regardless of the effects on themselves and others, to achieve that goal while the other is making conscious choices along the way to support their wellbeing and the wellbeing of others. If both individuals failed to achieve the goal there would likely be to separate responses.

The individual that used whatever means necessary is less likely to reflect on the process that got them to that outcome and instead simply focus on the undesired outcome. This person will likely continue to attempt this goal as they did the first time, as they are singularly focused on the desired outcome.

The second individual, however, made intentional choices along the way. By paying attention to the process, they can better assess the steps that were taken and give space to learn from the experience, by discerning what might have gone wrong or whether this goal is even one suited to them.

Do you see the difference?

While the first person has limited themselves to the exclusion of one goal and outcome, the other is taking in all the information given in the process of moving towards that goal. When we give ourselves the space to reflect and learn from a process that “failed” we are actually giving ourselves the freedom to grow and be aligned with our goals.

I’m not saying goals are bad or that we can’t know the outcomes we want and take the necessary steps to get there. However, is it more of a failure to not achieve the goal or to betray yourself to achieve it in the process? 

If we can recognize and take the opportunity to learn as we move towards our goals, then we are less likely to be devastated and stuck with the result if it is not favorable. Nobody has achieved great things without failing or making mistakes along the way. It is part of the process of learning and getting better.

Are you looking to gain some perspective on your “failures”? I would love to help! Sign up for a Free Consult today!